The power of questions in coaching, and not only
Why is everyone rushing to tell us that to promote ourselves we have to ask, launch polls, seek an opinion? But that’s because people LOVE to answer questions!
I practice Linguistic Empathy and I expect you to do the same. Please bear with me if my English is not perfect. Read the Italian version here.
It often happens that someone finds me online while searching topics related to expatriation, mobile life and coaching. Sometimes I am asked to be interviewed, mostly by university students who are preparing their thesis, or by coaches who are about to launch new products. In any case, I always accept willingly if I can, and I do it because I love the power of questions and every opportunity is good to experience it.
I can confidently say that I had some of my greatest insights during an interview. Or of having clearly become aware of something that until then had escaped me.
It is natural that by reserving time to a topic, things come upon which we do not stop to regularly reflect. I always say this to my coaching clients, especially when we address the issue of values: it’s not like we get up every morning and looking in the mirror we ask ourselves “how have my values changed lately? Why do I choose this and not that?”.
In values, as in our feelings and emotions, in short, in everything that guides us in life, we tend to go automatically, without stopping to question ourselves. And over time, this automatism can create a sort of disconnection, which leads us to forget the link between what we do every day and why we do it. But remembering our whys, what moves us from the deepest, is very important. It helps us stay focused, put more energy into things, and also explain ourselves better. Being able to explain ourselves clearly is fundamental to our business, whatever it is.
But there are other reasons that make the power of questions so important. For example, the fact that in so many cases questions force us to remember. Because by putting our backs to the wall in demanding an answer, they push us to review past facts and feelings.
It is in our life that we find the answers, it is in our experience that we formed and became what we are today. It is on our skills, which are expressed when we challenge ourselves, that we build the professional value that satisfies us the most.
We often forget about it. For example, we forget how good we were at doing a certain thing, or the power of a feeling that had pushed us to achieve something great. Questions structure our research in the past, they draw threads between what we are today and what has brought us here. They help us to relate our inside with the outside, to make sense of what we create. They make us feel that we exist, and that we are convinced (and I hope happy) that we exist.
Finally, questions are the expression of the interest of our interlocutor, and/or proof of careful listening. Those who want to know about us ask questions that express this interest. Anyone who asks us something in response to what we said or explained, shows us that they have listened with empathy, and and that our words have aroused further curiosity or reflections.
In the Expatclic community we use polls a lot. It is something that I really enjoy, when there is a topic that interests me, to collect different ways of feeling and various experiences. They are always very popular, and it is not surprising. A precise question helps people express themselves more freely, because it takes off the pressure of having to choose what and how to say it. It is really no coincidence that polls are far more participatory than general discussions.
The power of questions is immense. Questions in coaching are the subject of detailed study and preparation. However, we should train ourselves to ask rich questions in other contexts as well. Without ever forgetting that a genuinely interested question formulated with empathy can be worth more than a thousand tips.